Conspiracy Theories and Male Egos

Why do I feel like I am (and Sean) surrounded by a bunch of conspiracies? You're probably wondering what I'm talking about. Let me explain.

The first conspiracy.
Does this sweet face look like it belongs to a conspiracy?

Or this?

Okay, that second one is questionable. We have been dealing with really painful gas (ultimately my fault-something I ate!) for the past twelve hours or so. Seems the conspiracy here, is that as soon as I get Alice to sleep and myself, someone (not naming names here) seems to think it is acceptable to party for several hours. And take a short break (about twenty minutes so the Mama can get a taste of what sweet sleep would be like!) and resume. So when "normal" hours roll around, it is then sleepy time. UNTIL, you guessed it, nap time! Then it is party time! Yes, we are dealing with the whole night/day confusion. I really just think HJ has a "Mama to himself" conspiracy going on!

I just keep reminding myself how quickly time passes, and soon he won't be this little and I won't be up all hours of the day. So when I'm dead tired, and just want to pitch a fit/scream/cry, I keep saying that to myself!



I don't have a picture of the second conspirators. Truly, if there ever was a conspiracy, these people would be without a doubt! The Evil CDL People!

I'm not going to say Sean failed again (he did), but I prefer to say that these asses as just too freaking picky and really like to make money. He wasn't passed today because his "shifting wasn't smooth enough". WTH? So he attempts round four tomorrow. Yes, it seems we are paying someone's salary this week. Conspiracy? Most definitely!

The third conspirator?

She fell asleep on the floor after pitching a huge fit! I was busy nursing HJ, and had given her two M&M's (which are tightly clenched, one in each fist) to bribe her for a few more minutes.

I think that about explains itself. Except that is chocolate (not poop-thank God!). Someone loves baths so much, she will go to any measures to make sure she gets more than one a day!

Even though they may be in a pact to see that this Mama gets no sleep, a shower, or time to do anything else except tend to their needs, they are just the sweetest! I wouldn't trade any of this for more sleep, a shower, or a clean house/laundry!

And the fragile male ego? I'm not really going to address that, so much as just say that when Sean got home he informed me he was going to work on the car himself. He is tired of everyone making him feel "this big" (which was about an inch). He is not a stupid, fucking idiot and is tired of being talked to and treated like that. So he "needs to do this" (the car thing) to make himself feel better. Oh, along with passing "that damn test"!

Poor guy! I told him I support him 100% and whatever I could do, I would. So I'm going to suggest he sleep in the other bedroom tonight, so he can maybe get more than four hours of sleep. And I may go get him some beer too. In the meantime, I'm to pretend he isn't here until the car is done. No distractions or interruptions, please!

I Could Have Said I Told You So

...but I didn't. I'm talking about the car and the cracked head-gasket. The irony of the situation? I had said something twice about thinking there might be a crack in the head-gasket or block. Sean assured me it was fine.

Oh well. All of the signs were there. I'm sure it was cracked when we bought it. I am willing to bet the guy that sold it to us knew too. That is why it was so cheap. I just wish he had said something. Sean most likely still would have bought it, and gotten it fixed.

So an update...Sean bought an engine yesterday. He is planning on having a mutual "friend" pull our engine out and install this "new" one. My concern? This "friend" has worked on multiple vehicles, and EVERY time Sean has had to fix a new problem, or the original problem. The guy always ends up with "extra unimportant (his words) parts". So after the last time, I told Sean I was tired of him complaining about the lackadaisical work and to find someone else to do the work on our vehicles, that Sean wasn't able to do.

Sean seems confident he can handle this, so I'm going to trust my husband on this. I just can't get rid of this nagging feeling that I'll be proven right, again. But I am not that person to say "I told you so"...even though I think it every time ;)

*Sean is taking his CDL test right now, so I'll probably come back later and update you on that! He has been there for two and a half hours, so I'm hoping that is a good sign!

Venting

*Not a G, PG, or PG-13 rated post today. This is rated R, for adult language (or potty mouth, whatever you prefer).

I have been a bad blogger lately. Not awful, as I've managed to keep up with all of you and still comment. But still, I just haven't been able to find the time to post. That will get better soon, hopefully.

Anyways, I need to vent. It seems we have run into a bit of unfortunate luck lately. As in just the last couple of days.

As I said before, things have been tight financially. Sean hasn't received a paycheck in about 5-6 weeks. We were managing on my severance, until two weeks ago, when they messed up my check. Instead of getting paid for two weeks, I only got paid for one. So I paid the most important bill, and made arrangements for the end of the month for the rest. Now I find myself hoping and praying this check is correct. If it isn't, we will really be in a bad spot. We had money in savings, but that has dwindled away. I suppose I'd I had time, I could file our taxes and then we'd be okay, but I have yet to find time without someone attached to my boob, or that wouldn't find copious amounts of important paperwork interesting to draw upon or tear to bits.

On top of that, Sean failed his CDL driving test yesterday. Which really wasn't his fault. He had an asshole for the proctor, and he failed him because Sean asked a question to clarify something and the guy flipped out. So he was able to take it again today. After we scrounged around to find ANOTHER $100. And he failed again. Our conversation went like this:

Him: "I got fucked today!"
Me: "Was it good?"
Him: "Well, I almost passed, but fucked up this one incline."
Me: "Oh..."
Him: "Well I'm not pissed about it so much today. At least I really deserved to be failed today and not because I was being fucked!"

So I was thrilled thinking he passed his test and got some! Only to be bummed because we threw away another $100. And we will have to come up with another $100 for him to take it again. FUCK!

On top of that, he told me he thinks there is a blown head-gasket in the car. Which he confirmed on his way home, when the car died on the interstate. So I'm waiting on him to get home. With an about dead car. My car. Which means I do not have a vehicle. We are down to the truck. Which we cannot fit all four of us in. Unless he sits in the bed of the truck. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!

He is going to try to get the car fixed, but who knows how much that will cost and when it can be done by. Then there is the whole money issue again. I hope our lawsuit gets resolved quickly. Then maybe we can go pay cash for a car or mini-van.

So I have no car. I'm going to be stuck in this house for who knows how long. And all of our appointments I'm going to have to cancel. Ugh!

At least we have a delicious steak dinner, that is no longer a celebratory dinner, but a "it'll be alright" dinner. I think I'll be having a drink tonight too. It'll be alright and all work out. In the meantime, can you say a prayer that Sean passes his CDL test this next time? Without his paycheck, things will not be alright.

Oh, and my MIL and step FIL stopped by today. I was given thirty minutes notice. Do you know how little time that is when you haven't showered, picked up, vacuumed, done dishes, etc.? Needless to say, my house looked awful. I was mortified! First thing out of their mouths? "Did Sean not tell you we were coming?" Umm, no. It must have slipped his mind. And then they stayed for four hours. I had to cover up while nursing. Really? If it makes you uncomfortable, then go elsewhere. I shouldn't have to change my routine to accommodate you. Then my MIL gave me a DVD on "Behavior and Nutrition". Probably because Alice is a "typical" toddler. You know...she pitches fits, hits, scream, etc. And wouldn't you know it...SFIL gives Alice a new toy and then proceeds to try to put it up, only to have her pitch a fit. So he gives her a bag of granola. A WHOLE bag. What do you think happened? If you guessed, dump it all over the place, then give yourself a pat on the back!

So now I need to try go catch up on dirty dishes, laundry, picking up, and vacuuming up a bag of granola. And people wonder why a new mother's house is a disaster zone! Because people stop by practically unannounced!

Friday Night Leftovers

No banner this week. I'm blogging while nursing!

•I think Mortimer has a broken rear foot/leg. He has been limping/walking oddly. He can't jump and has to stop and rest every few steps. Unfortunately, we do not have the money to take him to the vet...at least for another week. It seems better every day, so who knows.

•Alice loves her brother. We have to keep a close eye on her because she likes to hug him (usually by being on top of him), and tries to sit by him or on him! Oh, and the swing and bouncy seat are hers! She just let's him use them. She grabbed the binky the other day, and put it in his mouth!

•Last night was rough. Everyone was asleep by 11:30, so I went to sleep shortly before midnight. HJ woke up at 1:45 with horrible gas. I didn't get him to sleep until about 6. I ended up sleeping on the couch and had him in the bouncy seat. Then it was wake up time at 7:30, and I had 5 minutes between getting him down and Alice waking up!

•I gave no idea what I ate that is causing him this much gas! Poor little guy! :-(

•I think my body is figuring out what HJ needs to eat. I still get a bit engorged, but not nearly as often or as painful. I haven't pumped in two days! In one week I was able to freeze a ton of milk, and I wasn't "emptying" the gals-just relieving the pain.

•Sean told me he doesn't know how I do it (not falling asleep while Alice is up). I told him that I sometimes do fall asleep while nursing, but that I'm not really "asleep". I'm aware of what is going on, but my eyes are closed. It is that "mother's sleep". Usually, Alice is sitting right by us, playing with HJ's feet or rubbing his head.

•Sean doesn't go in for his last training session until 5:15 tonight. Ugh! Thanks for ruining our weekend! He won't get home until 6 or so tomorrow. Fingers crossed for way earlier!

•Our Anniversary is Sunday. I doubt we will do anything. We have some gift cards from Christmas, but I'm not comfortable leaving HJ yet. So maybe in a few weeks we will do something.

•My mom still has not been to see the baby! I'm a bit appalled. Though I'm leaning more towards upset, anymore. How do you not come visit one of your grandchildren, especially first grandson? She lives thirty minutes away! No excuses!

•I still have not heard from my MIL. She must be pretty upset with us still. (see update for that story).

•I'll have Harold Jack's birth story up this weekend. For those that don't know, he was born March 14, at 3:08 am. Weighing 9 lbs and 22 inches.

•Lindsay guessed the correct birthday! Lindsay and Jen guessed the closest to his weight and height. So let me know if you have a preference on baked goodies! I'll get them out to you as soon as possible :-) Give me a few weeks, though!

For more leftovers, visit Danifred and all the other participants!

What Day Is It?

I just now realized it was Thursday. At least, I think it is. Things are a blur right now. The conventional day stuff is not important to me right now. I did realize the electric bill was due yesterday, so I paid it online...for a $5 fee! Good grief!

Yesterday we had to go to the store for a few things that couldn't wait until this weekend. It took longer to get everyone changed, dressed, and fed than it took to actually get a few things. I ended up going in my pajamas. At least the kids were cute! And it is a good thing we only needed a few things because the car seat took up the majority of the cart, and I just piled things around him.

We have been getting into somewhat of a routine. Breakfast, snack, lunch, nap from 1-3/3:30, snack, dinner, bath, and bedtime. That is until today. My mom called at 2:30 and because I'm about brain dead, my phone wasn't off or on silent. I never turn my phone off, just down. Anyway, her call woke Alice up (I was nursing HJ), and now I have a very cranky little girl. Thanks mom! Of course, it was my fault. Even though she knows what time nap-time is. And she still hasn't met her grandson. Something about driving here, and yada, yada, yada. She can drive her boyfriend/ex-boyfriend/roommate (or whatever he is) to and from work every day, though :-/

I'm still in my pajamas. The ones I wore to the store yesterday. I've been in them for almost 48 hours. I need a shower. I am covered in spit-up, breastmilk, peanut butter and jelly, pee, and who knows what else. Know what? I don't care a bit :-) well, I do care about the lack of a shower, but everything else just goes with the territory. I'll get a shower when Sean gets home, or after everyone is asleep. And I'll put on clean (but soon to be soiled) pajamas!

Alice has been really loving on her baby! I found her IN the bassinet the other night, sitting on him. If I put him in the bouncy seat, she tries to sit with him (actually on him) or climbs on him (I.e. Hugs him). She isn't trying to hurt him, but I have to watch her constantly with him. Here is a cute picture from this morning (love her bed head!).

And a cute picture of our little man!

Look at that pose! My grumpy old man!

I've been working on Harold Jack's birth story, which I'll probably post this weekend. It is taking awhile, and I don't want to forget anything!

Update

I apologize for being MIA. I know you probably understand, but I wanted to apologize.

I can't believe it has been just over a week! It seems so much longer AND shorter than that! Does anyone know how to stop them from growing up? I want to keep both of them at the ages they are!

Sean was home last week, so I was able to get some rest and figure out Harold Jack. He is back to work this week, so I'm adjusting into being a "single" parent.

Maybe you are wondering why I'm on my own. I had thought that my MIL and mom were going to help out the first few weeks. My mom still has not been to see HJ. She was sick when we were in the hospital, but was supposed to come up over the weekend. No call, no show. Then she called me yesterday wanting to know when I was going to bring him over. Umm...I'm not. You can come here. It is a pain in the butt to get all three of us ready to go anywhere. It takes at least two hours! So I'm not going anywhere unless we have to. At least until I get a better grasp on things!

My MIL...still waiting to hear from her. She was supposed to call Saturday to make plans to come down for a few days. I have yet to hear from her, but I'm not holding my breath. She is upset about what we named the baby. Seriously! I called her Wednesday after we got home to let them know. Here is part of our conversation:

Me: "We named him Harold Jack!"
MIL: "Oh...
...
...
... (to say this was a pregnant pause is the understatement of the century)
Me: "You there?"
MIL: "...I thought he (Sean) was going to give him a Christian name!"
Me: ..."Well we told you all of the names we were considering and not one of them was a biblical name. I don't understand why you would have thought that."

There was a bit more said after that, but not pertinent. I then see her making "no comment" comments on her friends FB pages regarding his name (she doesn't realize I can see b/c I'm "friends" with a few if them-everyone wants to see pictures). I cried about it. Sean is pretty irritated about it, too. Funny thing is...none of her kids (and most grandkids) do not have biblical names. She also was pissed that we got him circumcised before the eighth day (some religious thing?). I'm over the whole thing. I'm not calling her, and I'm sure as hell not going to need her help.

Back to us. I'm still not sure what I'm going to call Harold Jack. There are a ton of nickname possibilities, and I don't know yet. Everyone wants to call him something different (which is okay, if you don't want your kid to have a clue what his name is!).

HJ is just the sweetest thing ever. I'm declaring him one of the best babies ever! He is just so sweet, loving, mellow, and content. He hardly cries. He sleeps for long stretches of time (up to six hours!). He doesn't get too upset (usually) if I have to stop him mid-feed to attend to Alice. Which is a whole other story.

Alice seems to be adjusting. She is very proud of him. And then...she seems to hate us all. I know her hitting, throwing, etc is nothing new or related to having HJ here. I wouldn't say it is any worse. I just don't like being hit, kicked, or have things thrown at me (and HJ) while we are nursing. Last night, we were in bed watching a movie, and out of nowhere she kicked HJ in the head. I didn't see it coming, otherwise I would have blocked him. I guess it is a good thing he is good sized.

We went to the pediatrician Friday. HJ was 5 days old...and already an ounce above birth weight! So we don't have to go back until he is a month old.

I have a lot more to update about, and need to get more pictures for everyone! I am taking Alice outside to play for a bit before dinner and HJ gets up.

Happy St. Patrick's Day! (Blogoversary, and Update too)

I have always loved St. Patrick's Day. Being part Irish, it has always been a fun holiday. It is also the day that I found our Alice was a girl, two years ago! I know a lot of my family was pulling for the baby being born today, but he had other plans!

Yesterday was an important day, here in my blog world. It was my blogoversary! Granted, I have technically been blogging for longer than a year, at my old blog, but since I posted about once a blue moon there I don't really count that. In the past year, I have met some wonderful friends! I consider myself extremely blessed to have each and every one of you, both as readers (your comments are like hugs!) and friends. I have not met most of you, but I consider you more dear friends than most I do know on real life! I love keeping up with you and your families, and know if I ever need advice that you will all come through with great support!

I apologize for being a bit behind on comments. I have been extremely tired. I'll be catching up soon though :) I feel a little disconnected not knowing what has been going on with each of you.

I hope everyone has a lucky St. Patrick's Day! I know the luck of the Irish has been extremely lucky for me! Now I just hope that Sean can manage to buy our annual corned beef and cabbage, so I can make that for dinner! This year I won't be having a Killian's with dinner, as we are so new to breastfeeding (though I have plenty pumped already, so I could, but I don't want to introduce a bottle for a couple more weeks!).

Speaking of breastfeeding, my milk came in yesterday. Well, it is still a mix of colostrum and milk (you know that really yellow/watery mix). Harold Jack is doing well. He has a bit of a lazy latch sometimes, but I know he is getting plenty! He is a big spit-upper! Alice hardly ever spit up, so the umpteen million outfit changes is new. Though not a bad thing. Maybe he'll be able to wear most of his 0-3 month clothes before he outgrows them! We have a pediatrician appointment for tomorrow afternoon, so it will be interesting to see how well he is doing. I have a hunch that he may have reflux. When he spits up or burps, it smells very acidic (almost vomit smelling).

Anyway, Happy St. Patty's Day!